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  COUNTDOWN

  Terra Sinclair

  Copyright © 2018 by Terra Sinclair

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Afterword

  Chapter One

  Creed

  I was more than happy that in just a few short hours, 2018 would be done. To say it had been quite a year was an understatement. I’d launched my clothing label Creed Designs, finally moved into my own apartment and the biggest thing of all - I’d fallen in love for the first time. I’d also experienced the debilitating pain of having my heart broken for the first time. Something that had tainted what was supposed to be the best year of my life, leaving a sour taste in my mouth that just didn’t want to go away no matter how many one-night stands or drunken nights in the club I’d spent.

  I lay my outfit for the party out on the bed. Leo and Brooks were throwing a New Year’s Eve soiree at their new place and I was determined to have fun tonight. I was going to put on my best party get-up, drink champagne and dance myself into the new year with my best friends by side. So 2018 hadn’t been my year, I was determined as hell to make sure 2019 would be. I was done with wallowing. Done with wishing Mathias would call and tell me he’d made a mistake that night. It had been two months already without a peep. It was clear as day that things were well and truly over between us.

  I picked up the black and purple outfit, a piece from my clothing line and held it against my body as I looked in the mirror. Yup, this was the one. I threw off my towel that was still wrapped around my waist from when I’d showered earlier. I had been staring into the void of my wardrobe for close to an hour, deciding what color scheme to go for. Black was always a good choice - the purple was to add a touch of color and if I was really being honest, a hint of queerness. To me, there was no other color that screamed flaming homosexual more than a good dose of violet or magenta, and that was exactly what I was always hoping to achieve with my clothing choices.

  Once I had on my party outfit, I spent time meticulously quiffing my hair in front of my vanity, making sure not a strand was out of place. Despite some people finding me narcissistic and shallow, I didn’t have any shame about how much I cared about my appearance. If I didn’t look good on the outside - I didn’t feel good on the inside. Aesthetics had been important to me since I was old enough to know what looking good meant. Maybe it was partly to do with growing up with my mother, the pageant queen or being the only boy in a family of women. My sisters all loved to dress up too. They owned a beauty salon together back in Portland and they had been experimenting their hair and makeup looks on me since I was in diapers. I spritzed myself with a good dose of Tom Ford Noir, took one last long look in the mirror to make sure everything was perfect then ordered myself an Uber to Leo’s.

  Once I arrived at their home, I hovered outside for a moment in the crisp December air. I practiced my yoga breathing, remembering what my teacher had taught us about exhaling the negativity. I could hear the chatter of the other party guests inside already and was pleased to be fashionably late by at least half an hour. I pressed the doorbell and put on my signature cheery smile as I waited. Leo and Brooks’ dog, Poppy was quietly yapping from inside.

  “Hello, Poppy! It’s just Uncle Creed,” I teased from behind the closed door. I pressed the doorbell again, impatient that no one had answered yet.

  A second later, the door swung open and Leo stood there, grinning at me as Poppy jumped at my feet. “Down, Poppy!” Leo scolded her gently. “Come on in!” Leo opened his arms to me, pulling me in for a hug.

  He looked so damn happy, and I couldn’t be mad about it, either. He’d fallen in love with a man who worshipped the ground he walked on, had a successful photography blog and the cutest puppy I’d ever seen. The man was living his best life and to hell if I was going to burden him with my woes of falling hopelessly in love with a straight guy. A straight guy who also happened to be our mutual best friends baby brother. If Aria found out that I’d been screwing Mathias behind her back for almost two years, she might never speak to me again. And Leo would probably be pissed as well that I hadn’t told him. The whole situation was one giant mess. I wasn’t going to think about that tonight though.

  I followed Leo to the kitchen and put the two bottle of champagne I’d brought with me into the refrigerator. There was a large punch bowl on the bench surrounded by bowls of various snacks. I grabbed a tortilla and scooped up some guac before putting it in my mouth, the creamy avocado and lime sending my tastebuds into a frenzy.

  “What’s in the punch?” I asked with a mouthful as I pointed to the pinky-red concoction in the large bowl.

  “I have no idea,” Leo said with a shrug. “Marlena’s responsible for whatever that is. Fair warning - she named it death punch so I’m gonna make the assumption it’s pretty strong.”

  “Sounds good to me,” I said, winking at him before I filled up one of the glasses hanging off the retro punch bowl. I took a sip and shuddered a little at the strong flavor of what tasted like a few different spirits. Oh yeah, this was definitely strong. And surprisingly tasty. I took another sip.

  “Where’s Aria?” I asked, walking to the edge of the kitchen so I could get a view of the living room area. The room was full of people but I couldn’t see my other best friend. The guests were a mishmash of both Brooks and Leo’s friends, the latter of which were also mine but there were plenty of new faces. Maybe even a guy or two who could take my mind off Mathias for the night. I wouldn’t mind my own tattooed bad boy like Brooks. After all, I did have my eye on him first. Or, I at least liked to pretend I did. Leo had really lucked out.

  “She got caught up at her parents' house. Family drama or something. Apparently, her brother’s in town for the holidays and he’s been in a mood. I told her to bring him along tonight,” Leo said, casually.

  “You what -,” I almost spat out the death punch I was midway through swallowing. Oh fuck. The last thing I needed tonight was to come face to face with Mathias. I was supposed to be getting ridiculously drunk and dancing my way into 2019 with one of Brooks’ hot friends on my arm. I’d decided that exactly 30 seconds ago. This was not happening. If Mathias showed up, I would be straight back into mopey heartbreak mode.

  Leo screwed up his face and looked at me. “You remember Mathias, don’t you? The hockey guy,” Leo said like I was completely unacquainted him. If only he knew the truth. I was very well acquainted with every aspect of Mathias. That was the whole problem.

  “Ah, yeah,” I said. “I think so.” I sighed and refilled my glass.

  “You’re acting weird,” Leo said, raising an eyebrow at me.

  Like hell, I was acting weird. Mathias had been the first guy I really liked… ever. Loved, even. And now, I was about to come face-to-face with him for the first time since I’d completely and utterly humiliated myself in front of him and all his stupid hockey friends. I wish I could go back to the night that the whole mess started and prevent what happened. It was Aria’s birthday party and it quickly became a messy night, but also one of the best times we’d all had together. As usual, Leo had called it a night early and in the early hours of the morning Aria had gone off with some hot DJ from the nightclub we were partying at. Somehow, Mathias and I had ended up sharing a cab home and then before I knew it, he was following me into my place and straight into my bed. It was the first in a string of long, hot and indescrib
ably perfect encounters we’d shared. I thought he was it. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t into guys. I never thought that mattered because I was different. But that was wishful thinking. I’d realized that when I’d declared my love for him on a surprise trip to see one of his hockey matches. It hadn’t gone anything like how I’d planned. Mathias was ashamed, embarrassed and scared absolutely shitless. Reality had come crashing down on me like a six-ton truck. I was suddenly painfully aware of just how naive I had been. Mathias liked getting his dick sucked when it suited him but he didn’t ever think of me as anything more than some college experiment.

  “Sorry,” I said, thinking fast. “You’re right. The punch is really strong. Went straight to my head.”

  “Slow down then, buddy,” Leo said. “The night is young. Don’t get too wasted before we’ve even gotten started.”

  I smiled at him and nodded. I was happy when Brooks walked into the kitchen, breaking the conversation. “There you two are,” he said, interrupting us. “Come hang out with the rest of us, Frankie’s telling some crazy ass story about the time he accidentally touched Justin Bieber's butt in a nightclub.”

  I raised an eyebrow at Leo who choke-laughed and grabbed my hand. Tonight was going to be interesting.

  Chapter Two

  Mathias

  “I’m not going to let you stay home and watch Hallmark movies with mom and dad. It’s new years eve!” Aria exclaimed as she shoved a beer in my hand. She’d barged into the living room where I was currently catching up on hockey news. “What’s up with you lately? You’re so wound up. You need to have some fun.”

  I rolled my eyes as I took the beer from her but I took a swig anyway. She was right about one thing. I was wound up. The last few months had been nothing but stress and anxiety. There was no way I was going to go to one of Aria’s friends’ parties though. Not if it meant that I might bump into Creed. I was trying to forget about the whole situation with him. One that I’d royally fucked up. The truth was, my heart was having a hard time forgetting about him.

  “Hey, what’s wrong with a bit of wholesome family viewing?” I teased her. Besides, Hallmark movies were one of my guilty pleasures. Not that I was going to tell Aria that. I’d never hear the end of it.

  “Don’t get me started,” Aria said, glaring at me. “But I’m serious Mati, what’s going on? You’ve been nothing but doom and gloom this whole holiday. I miss hanging out with you. Like, properly hanging out where you actually talk to me. I feel like you’ve been avoiding me. Did I do something?”

  I looked at my sister. It wasn’t often she showed her softer side, not with me anyway. We were the kind of siblings who were constantly at each other’s throats, even if we were good buddies. It made me feel bad that she was genuinely concerned. Nothing major was going on. It was just the usual; fooling around with my older sister’s gay best friend and then screwing him over when he declared his feelings for me to the point where he’ll never ever talk to me again. And afterward realizing I’d made an awful mistake because I was in love with him and just too dumb to realize it until after the fact. You know. That old chestnut.

  “No,” I finally said. “You haven’t done anything. I’m sorry if I’ve been acting whack lately. To be honest, things haven’t been going well for me the last few months. Coach has been on my back about my performance and I… had a bad break-up.”

  Aria looked at me sympathetically. “Oh, Mati. I had no idea,” she sat down next to me and pulled me in for a hug. “I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone.”

  I let her rub my back for a moment, remembering that as much as we got on each other’s nerves, she was still family. She cared. I pulled away from her and shook my head. “I wasn’t, really. I mean, it wasn’t serious but -.”

  “But you really liked them?” Aria asked.

  I nodded. “Just a bit.” That was an understatement. I was completely, utterly in love with Creed and I’d screwed the whole thing up so bad.

  Aria smiled. “Aw, my baby bro finally got his heart broken.” She punched my upper arm teasingly.

  There was the annoying sister I both loved and detested. “Get stuffed,” I told her. “But for real, Ari, I’m just gonna stay home.”

  “You most certainly are not staying home,” she declared. “You’re coming to Leo’s party and we’re gonna hang out like old times and have a damn good night!”

  “Ari, seriously, I’m not in the mood,” I argued.

  “What’s up with you?” she looked at me again. “I’m not taking no for an answer. I mean, unless you’ve got a good reason for not coming tonight. Because what you need is to get out there. Have some beers, meet some people. Have some damn fun,” She narrowed her eyes.

  Ugh. What could I say to that? The last thing I wanted was to tell her about Creed. I would go to the stupid party, have a beer and catch up with Leo, then when Aria wasn’t looking, I’d sneak an Uber back home. It was a foolproof plan. Hopefully, in the midst of all of it, Creed and I wouldn’t cross paths. I didn’t even know if he’d be in Seattle. His family lived in Portland and I assumed he’d be spending the holiday season with them since from what I knew, he and his mom and sisters were all close-knit.

  “Fine, fine,” I said, throwing my hands in the air. “I’ll go to the party.”

  “Damn straight!” Aria said. “This is going to be fun. I promise!”

  Aria had no idea what she was promising. This could potentially be the worst night of the year. I final fuck you, Mathias from the world.

  Chapter Three

  Creed

  It had been the longest hour of my life. Leo had told me Aria was on the way to the party and despite being a ten-minute drive away, she still hadn’t shown up. My stomach was experiencing bouts of nausea and I kept a steady stream of Marlena’s death punch flowing through me. I needed all the liquid courage I could get tonight. I was going to be face-to-face with Mathias shortly and I had no idea what I was going to say or do. Probably nothing. Probably avoid him like the plague if I could help it. But since Leo and Aria still had no idea that the infamous straight guy who broke my heart was actually Mathias, I wasn’t sure about how much avoidance I could get away with tonight.

  I sighed and checked my phone for any sign of life. There were a few cuties who’d hit me up on Findr and my sister’s sending my snaps of their own New Year’s Eve party back in Portland. I wished I’d stayed with them now. I had been excited to spend the night with my best friends but nothing was working out how I had planned. In fact, things were going precisely the exact opposite of how I’d hoped.

  Leo found me in the kitchen, digging into a bowl of spinach and artichoke dip with a spoon like I hadn’t eaten in years. He glared at me, almost horrified.

  “At least use some bread,” Leo said, holding out a basket of dinner rolls to me.

  I took one but immediately stopped eating when I realized what I was doing. I was known to stress eat and Leo could see right through me.

  “Thanks,” I said, letting out a long sigh. I stopped myself when I realized what I was doing.

  “Still not over him, huh?” Leo asked. “When you arrived tonight, I thought you’d finally gotten back to your normal self. I’m not used to seeing you like this, Creed. That guy must have really done a number on you. I wish you’d tell me what happened.”

  I felt the familiar twist of guilt in my gut that I’d been lying to Leo for months. “He just… didn’t want to be with me. That’s all. He didn’t really do anything. He just wasn’t the right guy for me.” I shrugged. It was partly true. Just because Mathias had humiliated me in front of his friends, it didn’t necessarily mean he was a jerk. In a way, I had to admit I’d brought it upon myself. I shouldn’t have shown unannounced. I don’t know what I’d expected, really. Mathias wasn’t going to run up to me and kiss me in front of everyone. I just never expected him to ask me what the hell I was doing there. To make me look like a complete fool.

  “Ooh! Aria’s here!” Leo announced, looking a
t his phone. “I better go let her in.”

  I half-smiled but hung back. Leo was too busy playing the part of the perfect host to notice I hadn’t followed him. I’d talk to Aria when I didn’t have to be so blatantly face-to-face with her brother. I walked to the end of the kitchen where I could see the whole living area and entrance. Leo was hugging Aria and I let out a sigh of relief when I noticed she was alone. I sauntered over to her immediately, grateful that Mathias coming had not turned out to be true.

  “Hey, girrrrl!” I said, holding my arms out to her. We hugged for a moment and I realized that I had come to a conclusion about Mathias not being there way too soon. He suddenly appeared behind Aria, carrying a box of beers. I felt my face turn pale as I stood there like a deer in the headlights.

  “You remember my brother, Mathias, right?” Aria asked me. “I had to rescue him from a night in with mom and dad.”

  I nodded, feeling smaller than I had my entire life. “Hi,” I said, my voice coming out as a croak.

  “Hey…” Mathias said, looking and sounding equally as horrified at our sudden confrontation. “I’m gonna go put these beers in the fridge.”

  “Bathtub,” I said, immediately feeling stupid.

  “What?” Mathias said.

  I shook my head. “The beers go in the bathroom down the hall, the tubs full of ice.” I gave him a half smile, hoping Leo and Aria didn’t notice the awkwardness between us.

  “Right,” Mathias said. “Thanks.”

  I watched him walk off down the hallway. Aria and Leo were babbling beside me but the sound of their voices faded along with the rest of my senses as I honed in on Mathias and everything about him. He was still tall and blond and perfect. He wore the same cologne. Had the same clipped hairstyle. He was still sculpted like a god. He looked as good as he ever did and my body stupidly responded with nervousness and desire. I inwardly cursed. This wasn’t fair. Why hadn’t he just loved me back? More importantly, why couldn’t I get over him?